


I Was Listening While You Cried

by ForgottenChesire



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: AO3 FB Challenge, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Hinted Mpreg and loss of child, Kili doesn't die, Kíli Lives, Mentioned Fili/Bofur, Off-screen Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-11 03:03:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15306027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForgottenChesire/pseuds/ForgottenChesire
Summary: Kili survives The Battle of Five Armies. He lives while his brother and Uncle do not. Not that he recalls that. He lives but doesn't wake. He lives and listens to all that goes on around him.





	I Was Listening While You Cried

The first thing that he notices, that he feels, is soft hands. Soft hands that bring to mind the rising sun. Of talks of blood moons. They run through his hair and along his chin. It brings warmth that lulls him back to sleep.

 

Pain. There is so much pain when comes back to the waking world. Limbs aching like he went ten rounds with Dwalin. He wants to scream. To cry out. But nothing happens. He’s stuck in the pain and the dark that comes with closed eyes.

 

_ “The King is dead!” _

 

Voices both Dwarf and Man shout. Over and over those voices speak.

 

_ “The King is dead!” _

 

The words echo. What King? Whose King? The Elven King? Bard? The Man who so somberly picked up the mantle his ancestor left behind? The hands are back, his glorious sun! Whispering soft lilting words of a tongue he knows not.

* * *

 

_ “Get that Elf away from him.” _

 

_ “Do you want the prince to die?” _

 

_ “The Halfling still mourns.” _

 

_ “Dain says that he will step down when-” _

 

_ “Lady Dis will be arriving with-” _

 

_ “Can you believe they let a Bearer fight?” _

 

_ “Lost the wee one didn’t-” _

 

He catches wisps of conversations. They come and go. Teasing him with knowledge that he doesn’t understand. Like the wind that brings whiffs of smoke and burning bodies, it makes him shiver.

* * *

 

_ “Come now, lad. It’s not polite to leave your elders waiting.” _

 

But what is he late for? Is he late for lessons? Why does Balin sound so sad? It’s not the first time that he was late for them. A tough, calloused hand touches him. He can’t be late for that if Balin is here. Plus Fili would wake him up. Mother would be calling his name. Uncle would- 

 

_ “It’s so quiet without you and your brother. I miss your jokes.” _

 

Fili? What happened to Fili? Why is Balin crying? He can’t open his eyes. He can’t force words out of his throat.   
  


_ “You’ll be king when you wake. Dwalin has already pledged his axe. As have the other members of the Company.” _

 

Balin pats his hand. He doesn’t understand! And The pain drags him down.

* * *

 

_ “He will wake up.” _

 

That’s Bofur. Why visit him and not Fili? He ignores the sound of an Orc speaking, there but not, in the back of his mind. Of a pained cry and a body hitting the ground. Dark things that bring what was for once a subtle tapping of pain to banging and thrashing.

 

_ “I know.” _

 

That is his sun. So bright. So beautiful. Far away and right up close to him. It calms him. Takes away the hurt.

 

_ “You got to him in time.” _

 

_ “Do you hate me for that?” _

 

_ “No,”  _ a sad mirthless laugh, _ “Hate is not what I feel. You’ll be good for the lad.” _

 

Fili is courting Bofur. Little gifts left in the dead of night. Private smiles and shared laughs. He envies Fili knowing that as soon as the mountain is theirs Fili will ask Bifur properly. He’s jealous of his brother. Of the ease and open arms Bofur will have. When he puts forth his want to court his sun there will be shouting. It’s with that thought that he goes back to the silence of his mind.

* * *

 

_ “Will you not stay?” _

 

_ “No. I… I do not believe I can.” _

 

Master Boggins! That is Master Boggins come to visit him. If only he could let them know he can hear them. To speak. To look.

 

_ “Why-” _

 

_ “You hear what they are saying about Tauriel. About Kili. He is their King and the last surviving male Durin and yet they still… I cannot stay.” _

 

Kili? King? He scoffs at the idea. Uncle Thorin is king. And even if the unthinkable happens and Uncle dies then Fili will be king. Fili who has been groomed since birth. Fili who can charm everyone. Fili who frets and has little frights. Not  **_him_ ** .

 

_ “Will you wait until he wakes then?” _

 

Yes, please wait until then. He wants Mister Boggins to stay. To explain. Because he cannot be king.

* * *

 

_ “I didn’t know.”  _

 

It’s a whispered confession. 

 

_ “You have to believe me.”  _

 

Hitching breath and hands clutching onto his him.

 

_ “If I had known I wouldn’t have fought. I would have listened to your brother’s paranoia. I would have let him lock me in that room like a rare bird.” _

 

Bofur? That is Bofur sounding so broken. So dead inside. But when would Fili- Oh yes. The Gold Sickness. It had latched onto Fili toward the end. He guarded Bofur like Uncle Thorin searched for the Arkenstone.

 

_ “I didn’t know,” _ it’s a wail that shakes his bed,  _ “and now… Now I just have little lifeless trinkets to remind me of him… And you. But your so far away despite being right here. I took away your chance of being an Uncle. I didn’t know.” _

 

Mahal above Kili wishes he could grab hold of Bofur’s hand.

 

_ “Your Elf asked me if I hated her.”  _

 

I know. 

 

_ “I don’t hate her for saving you. I hate myself for not joining him.” _

 

Bofur is gone and Kili is scared of what he’ll find when he wakes again.

* * *

 

_ “Come back to me.” _

 

His sun is crying. Lilting sobs that drip drop onto his skin. He’s so tired. So very tired despite the fact he never seems to truly wake.

 

_ “Why won’t you wake.” _

 

_ I don’t know. I want to. I’m sorry. _

 

_ “Please Kili.” _

* * *

 

He wakes. It takes so much effort. But he finally forces his eyes open. There is stone above him and soft furs below. Tauriel is not there, as far as he can tell. But the Elven King is. Long blond hair whishing about his shoulders as he crushes something.

 

“At long last, the King awakens. The one time I am successful in sending her to bed.”

 

_ Thorin is king, not me, _ he wants to say. Thranduil looks at him. Face drawn and tired. Like he heard Kili’s very thoughts. Mother bursts in before Thranduil can speak. He stays awake all through his mother’s frantic henning, her loud voice and gentle touches. Waiting. And then  _ she _ walks in. Tauriel. His sun. He smiles sleepily, reaching with a shaking hand. She grasps it gently, sweetly placing a kiss to his knuckles. There is much to go over. A family to grieve. But for now, he is content. Holding onto her hand he falls back to sleep.


End file.
